Nick Stagg Therapy

Counselling in Birmingham city centre & beyond…

Normal

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It’s a fascinating word. It has many different connotations.

In this instance I want to use it to refer to our expectations of life.

With restrictions starting to be lifted in the UK, there’s an apparent shift towards returning to “normal”.

For a lot of people this brings mixed emotions. From those that have already booked multiple trips abroad to those that fear a loss of their new quiet way of life.

The beauty of the idea of normal, is it’s totally individual. Sure, there’s the “usual” way we think society and other people do things, but these are all just perceptions.

As the restrictions lift you can decide how you’d like your life to be. You will be presented with a variety of choices as time goes on, you can discern what you chose to do.

If you’d like more time at home, then keep that in your balance. You don’t need to go back to only having 1 weekend in 12 to yourself.

There seems to be a new set of choices around working. So utilise that. Find the mix of home and office working that suits you.

Allow yourself to make changes as you go, what feels like a good normal now, can feel different in 6 months. Adapt, ensure what you’re doing is your normal. As if you’ve been considered in what you chose to do, your normal will suit you perfectly.

Making meaning

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There’s an idea that in order for life to feel good, we need to be free to do anything we like. To have almost infinite free time.

It seems for some this wish was granted, in part at least, by the lockdowns of 20/21. Those on furlough paid 80% of their salary to stay away from work and do whatever they liked.

As one client of mine pointed out, this is how a lot of people had envisaged retirement. We then both agreed we needed to make sure our later lives would feel far more fulfilling.

The current situation is allowing us to see that we need to make our own meaningful lives.

It seems there are many people who are very bored and feeling a sense of imprisonment, even solitary confinement for some.

I totally empathise and appreciate it’s a very tough situation. It is however a way to gain an insight for the present and future.

It takes effort to do anything. Yet doing something is what gives us purpose and meaning. There’s only so long we can feel “good” wasting time.

We all need to feel we’re growing, building & being useful, in balance with relaxation & rest.

We don’t know how long lockdown will last, so find a few more projects to get your mind and body around. It will allow you to spend your time & feel fulfilled.

Lockdown fatigue

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It seems people are finding this recent lockdown the most challenging.

There are multiple factors to this, including the length of time since the last one and the tier system prior.

The time of year, January isn’t the most inspiring month. Although bear in mind it does herald the run into Spring and Summer. There’s hope in that.

A major factor this time is a lack of purpose.

When the first lockdown hit, most people took it as an enforced (if odd) holiday. Then when that wore off, got on with all the little jobs that needed doing. It kept us all busy & occupied.

Then in the second lockdown we had less that needed doing, but we still found some things to do. With the run up to Christmas, people had a focus. Plus it was a fairly lax lockdown.

This time around though, we don’t seem to have an obvious end point. Most people have tackled all the jobs that needed doing, at least the ones they feel comfortable to. They’ve watched all the series and movies, read some books and maybe did some exercise.

What’s needed now is a last push to get through to April.

Life will get better, we will be allowed out in the not too distant future. The vaccine will assist and our collective action will slow the spread. The weather too will play it’s part.

Find a few more things you can get your mind around to occupy you. Keep exercising, meet the friends you can. This will see you through…

Lockdown 2.0

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Potentially easier to “survive” than the last one.

There’s more stuff open to make life workable, to ensure some of the things you like doing can be done. Check what’s open, utilise that, then think what else you can do without certain things being open.

The obvious one being the gym. Think what you can do to make sure exercise still features in your day. Building it into time outdoors will also improve your wellbeing. Wrap up against the elements and it can be really enjoyable to be out in the bracing weather.

It’s likely you’ll have more time at home, so make the most of being able to “hibernate”. It’s what I do. I give myself 4 months (Nov to Feb) to accept I won’t be out as much, and likely to do a little less exercise and a eat a little more. I’m happy to know I’ll burn it off from March.

Whilst being at home, make sure you discover what it is you like doing there. It really doesn’t matter, as long as it keeps your wellbeing up. I suggest you go easy on the booze and heavy food, but beyond that don’t be too hard on yourself. Watching Netflix is fine!

Make this next month(s) as bearable as possible. When restrictions lift, you can find ways to widen your interests and activities.

Be good to yourself and those around you. It’s time for TLC all round.

Living with lockdown

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It’s been a while since we entered lockdown here in the UK and I suspect the novelty has worn off, what initially seemed an odd but nice break is starting to feel less desirable.

Although, perhaps you’ve found a way to make it work for you. If so, please share your success with others so they too can find their way through this tricky time.

Those that are continuing to struggle, take some time to figure out what you’re finding most difficult. You can then focus your efforts on tweaking and improving this/these areas. This might be social isolation, weight gain/lack of exercise or maybe boredom.

Another key issue that’ll be starting to escalate is tensions in houses that are not normally so tightly packed. This needs attention and ways to dissipate frustrations found. I suggest that a key could be to ensure that people find ways to make time for themselves. This could be by using headphones, sitting in different rooms or physically leaving the home environment.

We all need our own space. We also need to be considerate to those around us. In our current lockdown situation our actions are likely to have more direct impacts that usual. Whilst attempting to meet your needs, ensure you think how meeting them might infringe on others meeting theirs.

Compromise and collaboration will see us through these often testing times.