Nick Stagg Therapy

Counselling in Birmingham city centre & beyond…

Action

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To actually do something is the key to a content life.

Taking action rather than just thinking or talking is what creates movement & outcomes.

It’s important to be mindful in our action, to be aware of consequences as much as possible. Having said this, if we want anything to happen in our lives, we need to actually do it.

This applies to literally everything. From working on a relationship, increasing our physical wellbeing to starting a new business venture.

When you get in the habit of taking action you’ll discover that the world becomes far more fruitful. You’ll feel a greater sense of control & competence. That you really can make life work for you.

People hold themselves back for a whole host of reasons. You’ll notice that those that do take action will seem the most fulfilled. They’re not left with a collection of “what ifs?”.

You might give something a go & decided it’s not for you, but at least you know that. So you keep giving things ago until you find the balance that suits you.

Be curious, experiment, give things a go. You’ll find your life will feel much fuller & more content.

Impact

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We all make an impact in the world, no matter how small.

I’ve been thinking about how we make a positive impact.

This covers everything that we do.

From our environmental footprint to how we make others feel.

If we all learn to take individual responsibility of our actions, we can be more mindful of our impact.

Impact is really a synonym for influence.

Influence is the one ability we have as individuals to effect the world around us.

Many people strive to make an impact, equating greater influence with success.

It’s important to consider what we’re defining as “success”.

Is our personal vision of success sustainable?

I’m hoping the words I’m using will allow you to translate them into all areas of life.

Take some to consider your potential impact in all aspects of your life.

It’s often a tricky balance to get what we seek without causing harm to others.

The balance we strike might be imperfect as life is complex.

However, the more we collaborate, the more joint things we can do, the more we can meet all our needs.

Life needn’t be a competition. Especially as that way of living is exhausting.

It’s possible to have a positive impact with our actions & feel content.

Education contd.

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I was talking with my son, who challenged me to think of the most important area to tackle in order to progress the World’s issues.

After spending some time explaining there won’t be just one thing to tackle first, we need to tackle everything in tandem, I came to rest on Education as a useful first step.

The more we educate ourselves (as this is in our control), the more we can understand the World.

The more we understand the World, the better placed we are to help remedy the issues we face.

Clearly there’s a lot of information out there, so we’ll all have our natural biases into what we research & learn more about.

However, the more we as a collective learn about anything, the better the chance of making change for the better.

This applies as much to our everyday lives as to Global issues. For if we get better at understanding our own knowledge gaps & start to learn more about issues that affect us directly, the more we all collectively make positive change.

Lots of little positive, personal changes quickly sum to make a big difference when we all do it.

If we learn more in order to collaborate better with our family, friends & acquaintances, then our lives start to feel better.

Reality

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Time to get a little philosophical.

When & what do we experience as reality?

A lot of people spend a great deal of time in “virtual” spaces, from video conferencing to catching up on social media.

There are now so many platforms, all vying for our attention. No wonder a lot of people live so virtually.

The major issue I find in my work with clients is that although they feel “connected” in one sense (virtually) it clearly doesn’t feed a more innate need to feel connected in the space they’re actually in.

They can also feel their virtual connections are rather empty. They might have many hundreds if not thousands of followers, however this doesn’t translate into quenching our human need for real contact.

There are various remedies. The most extreme perhaps is to cut out virtual interaction & only spend time in physical spaces. I appreciate though, that this will miss some of the benefits of our growing virtual world.

Therefore, it’s back to my favourite theme, balance.

Make sure you’re spending time with people physically as well as virtually. You can find the balance that suits you, but pay attention to how each situation makes you feel. Aim to adjust towards the interactions that make you feel genuinely connected & fulfilled.

Wellness

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If you don’t make time for your wellness, illness will take your time regardless.

What a great aphorism.

So many of us just don’t make enough time & provision for wellness.

Wellness covers such a vast array of areas, but most certainly physical and mental aspects.

We all need to take the time to discover for ourselves what enhances our wellness.

There will always be the usual suspects of good diet, moderate exercise & good sleep.

Alongside these are the other things we do for our wellness. Be it socialising, a massage, pursuing hobbies or just looking out the window for five minutes.

It’s no surprise that those who take care of their wellness often are those who experience the least illness.

A balanced lifestyle is available to the vast majority of us, even those where it’s a struggle can still make more time to enhance their wellness.

The more balanced your lifestyle the more quality interactions you can have. If you’re run ragged by work, kids or the opposite, you’re just lying around eating poorly, you can find ways to make meaningful change.

It need not take much effort. Just experiment with other uses for your time. Find what relaxes you, brings you contentment & do more of it.

Take care of yourself.

Conversation

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It’s an exchange of ideas.

It’s a way to share feeling & mood.

It’s our best way to feel connected to one another.

Yet so many people shy away from it.

Equating a conversation to a confrontation.

This needn’t be the case.

Set the scene, make sure all parties know this is space to be heard.

Keep passions and tempers in check.

It’s easy to get carried away, yet you risk losing your chance to clearly share your message.

A reasonable & relaxed conversation can still be fascinating & invigorating.

A calm exchange gives you the greatest chance of making progress. To collaborate so everyone’s needs are met.

You need to ensure you’re aware of what’s going on. Learn to control your pace, tone & input.

By you demonstrating control, others will take that lead.

If need be, take a literal or perhaps metaphoric breath. Acknowledge things are getting a little heated & bring it back to a calmer place.

Do these simple things & you’ll find conversations are something to enjoy.

That they’ll provide a great way to get you & those around you to work together, to meet all the needs of those involved.

Healthspan

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What age are you hoping to get to?

What age are you expecting to be infirm?

What steps are you taking to improve your healthspan?

There’s increasing research to suggest we could reasonably expect to make it to 100 or even 120 in the not too distant future.

If you are under 30, there’s already a decent chance of getting to 100.

What you need to consider is the lifestyle you lead & how it will impact your life.

Most of us fear not old age itself, but the expectation of pain & suffering it’ll bring.

This needn’t be the case, at least not for a large part of your life.

There are ways currently available to prolong your vitality.

Nothing weird or odd, it really is about taking care of yourself, mind & body.

Eat well, exercise & have a mindset to embrace life.

There’s plenty of hints & tips online, a good place to start is the book “Lifespan” by David Sinclair.

I’m a sceptical sort of person & yet there’s a lot of common sense in the idea that we don’t have to bow out at 85 having felt pretty unwell for years.

Do your best to take care of you & your wellbeing.

It might surprise you how long you can feel well for & how much more life you can live.

Curiosity

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How often do you feel curious?

How often do you follow up on your curiosity?

There are many people who are interested in knowing & doing more, but never get around to putting it into action.

They’re then left with the classic “what if” feelings as time goes on.

There is a way to avoid this.

The more you follow up ideas you have, the more you’ll discover it doesn’t take much time or effort.

As long as you explore the options open to you, you’ll get to feel that you’re pursuing your ideas.

You might choose not to go ahead in the end, but at least you’ll know why not.

However, you might discover your idea is workable. That the activity you fancied trying is local to you & not as expensive as you thought.

If you then give it a go you’ll know for sure if it is something you’d like to do or not.

You get to avoid the “what ifs” in your life.

You get to build up the experiences you’ve had in your life.

You will start to feel more fulfilled & accomplished.

This builds your feeling of wellbeing & contentment.

Wonder about things, follow up your curiosity. See where it takes you…

Minutia

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It might seem pointless to focus on the little things in life. Surely we should be aiming at the next career move, the bigger house, faster car & next holiday?

However, when you start to take notice & care of the little stuff, life feels fuller & more contented.

The little things are the daily items that you have direct control over. Whereas the bigger items are often way down the track & will be subject to random events.

I would encourage you to raise your awareness of everything you do. I can assure you that there are choices to be made minute by minute. When you realise this, you become empowered to shape your life.

For example you get to set the time you get out of bed, what you have for breakfast, how you start your day. These concepts are at a high level too, within these there are many choices to be made too.

I could see how some might initially find this overwhelming. But if you can get your mind around the idea that you can pick what feels best for you, it will start to feel empowering.

This is how I get to feel I have a content life and enhance my wellbeing.

Everything I do feels like a choice.

You can feel the same & enhance your wellbeing.

Life’s complicated

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I often find people would like there to be a single cause for the things that bother them. We could then simply work on that one cause & life would feel better.

The reality is many factors impact on our lives and there will be no single cause for our upset.

Even if we identify that “work” or a “relationship” seem to be causing us distress, there won’t be a single factor that needs fixing.

There will be multiple thoughts, ideas and interactions that shape how we feel about these “single” factors.

We all need to take the time to understand the complexity of our lives and the choices we make on a daily basis.

When we start to understand what choices we have (especially the less obvious ones), we can start to see what we can do differently.

How to alter our lives in small and subtle ways to make them feel better. From deciding how we react to others, to how we ourselves act in the world.

This interplay allows us to feel able to alter the way the world around us affects us.

Life will always be complex, yet we can learn ways to simplify how it feels to us & how we can have greater influence/control in our lives.